Before I begin–let me first apologize for the length but it’s a long story and I didn’t want to leave any details out.
My mother had a visit from Adult Protective Services(APS) who wanted to come into her home. My mom didn’t know who they were and wouldn’t let them in and so they proceeded to call me at my home. The woman I spoke to immediately said my mom needed 24 hour care because she wouldn’t let her in the house. The woman had lived in the same town and she said my mom should have known who she was. I didn’t know who she was and I lived there for 20 years and visit to take care of mom there constantly. I explained that mom had Alzheimers and if she wasn’t someone mom saw frequently that chances are my mother wouldn’t know who she was. The woman didn’t agree with me and we just went back and forth. I told her my mother did exactly as she was supposed to do, she didn’t let a stranger into her home just because the stranger told her she was supposed to! She ended the conversation by just saying that they would be in touch.
The very next morning, the head woman of APS, (lets call her Sally) called me and said she was going to my mothers house and if there was no one there with her she was going to remove my mother from her home. I had just woken up and threw on clothes and headed out the door. Sally arrived at my mothers house before I did and she had a police escort with her which of course terrified my mother, and when she’s upset her ability to function as normal is greatly reduced. My brothers girlfriend who helps my mom was there as she lives with my brother on the other side of my mom’s house. Sally told the officer quietly that they wouldn’t be needed and came into the house and immediately said mom had to be under 24 hour care and proceeded to drill my mother with questions one right after another according to my brothers girlfriend. I arrived moments later and my mother was so upset by then! I tried to explain that when she’s upset she has a hard time with things and everything that this woman had done was only making her more and more upset.
Sally then turned to me and I couldn’t believe how incredibly hostile she was behaving, she would ask me a question and then as soon as I started to talk cut me off or roll her eyes. I asked her what she was basing her decision on and she would just say she was basing it on the fact that she is the head of APS. I replied to her,’that’s your title, I’m looking for reasons why you say she can’t be in her home alone, with my brother living on the other side of the house?’ She repeated her title again and I felt like I was talking to a brick wall.
I finally told her that her body language alone was telling me that she is angry and is unwilling to listen to me and had already made up her mind before assessing how things were in the house or talking with my mother or myself. I then turned my attention to my mother, giving her a hug and telling her everything was going to be okay.
I asked Sally what specifically was reported about my mother which she replied they were informed about an over due water bill and that my mom was said to have trouble finding the location of the Nutrifare program and they had to prompt her to eat. I replied, the water bill was taken care of by my brother and that I didn’t believe the other two. She then asked my mom to walk her to the door of Nutrifare which mom did with no problem. When we came back to my mothers house the talking alarm clock with my voice was going off, and I proceeded to tell her of the things I’ve done to make mom’s life easier for her to stay in her own home.
I told Sally, I didn’t believe they had to prompt my mother to eat because anyone who knows my mother knows she loves to eat as long as it’s a food she enjoys. She doesn’t like white bread for instance, she likes a 12 grain bread so she doesn’t eat the white bread when they serve it. Sally asked my mom to microwave a meal for herself which she did, although normally I call her and walk her thru doing it over the phone. But I hand write out the instructions and tape it to each meal so she was able to read the instructions and do it.
After watching my mom eat her meal Sally had calmed down quite a bit and said she thought mom was okay staying in her home by herself at the moment because of everything I had put in place for her. I had told her we were planning on having her move in when Winter came anyway, I was just hoping that she could stay at her own house till then because I knew once she moved in with us over winter she wouldn’t be returning to her home. I’ve told my mother all along that she could move in with us whenever she wanted, but she wanted to stay in her own home as long as possible and so that’s what I was trying to make possible. Believe me, if I thought my mother was in any danger I would have her here in a second!
Two of my brothers then showed up, having been called by my brothers girlfriend and like a switch had been thrown, Sally’s attitude changed again. She didn’t seem angry now, but I got the impression she came in there with her guns blazing and she felt she couldn’t back down from saying mom needed 24 hour care again. I was shocked to hear her reverse what she had said only ten minutes ago. Sally then said contradicting things like, you didn’t have to be in the same room with mom or anything you just had to be here, and yet my brothers family living on the other side of the house wasn’t enough. They share the same living room wall and it’s not like you can’t hear someone make noise on the other side or anything. He’s does work during the day, but his girlfriend pops over to moms house and helps out during the days that I’m not there.
Right before she left we asked Sally about the police officer that had come with her and she said ‘she didn’t call them, didn’t we?’ and proceeded to tell us that was always her last step if needed.
Obviously we didn’t call the police, and my brothers girlfriend heard her tell the officer they weren’t going to be needed so why did she lie right to our faces? I also asked her why the APS person who called me the night before and had stated that mom should have known who she was and because she didn’t and wouldn’t let her in the house that she had to have 24 hour care. Sally wouldn’t actually admit that they were wrong to say that but instead put it that mom was right by not letting a stranger into her house.
This whole experience has been miserable. The APS is supposed to be doing what is in my mom’s best interests? I personally think her whole aggressiveness was totally unprofessional, and I don’t see how ripping mom out of her home like she was intending would have been in mom’s best interest. Given the fact they had given me less than 20 minutes notice before they were going to remove my mother from her home against her will and and only 12 hours since making contact with me at all seems illegal but how to do fight the system? The thought of how terrified and upset my mom would have been literally makes me feel sick! I have always been proud of how well I take care of my mother, and to have some stranger walk into your life and tell you they know more about your mother than you do, or that some random person that see’s my mom knows how things are for her is ridiculous. Sally left saying she’d be back to check in which means another surprise attack visit.
Since the only way I can guarantee that my mother would have someone there with her 24/7, I took her home with me that day and she’s been living with us ever since. I realize in many cases, the APS probably does help people but in my opinion, this is NOT how it should be done by any means.