The good news is I haven’t had any cravings lately for cigarettes at all! Thinking back over this past 10 days, I’m almost surprised to realize that the thought hadn’t even occurred to me in some of the normal situations where I would feel a strong need to smoke, like driving long distances, and stress.
My mind has been focused on other issues these past 10 days and I guess that also has been a plus as far as not thinking about cigarettes. The bad news, I know this isn’t the end of my battle. Every day brings new challenges that I will face.
I began that upper part last night. Last night I was feeling good! Good about my progress and good about myself! This morning I wake up to find out that people I’ve spent my entire life looking up to, have gone behind my back concerning a subject very close to my heart. I feel hurt on so many different levels, right now I’m finding it hard to function at all. I feel an incredibly strong urge to go buy a pack of cigarettes or have a drink or perhaps both. Problem is I quit smoking and I never really was a drinker. I’m on this whole personal quest to try to start living a healthier lifestyle, and I’ve been doing really good with it and just when I feel like I’ve almost metaphorically reached the top of a mountain I’ve been climbing, someone pops out and pushes me all the way down to the bottom! It’s so hard to pick yourself up and continue moving forward when someone has just knocked all the wind out of you. Even more horrible is that I know things are going to get a little worse before they get better. For right now, I’m fighting that urge to smoke, however this isn’t going to be easy because I am depressed now. Why does it seem a repeated pattern in my life that every time I have any type of personal victory, it is almost immediately over shadowed by something negative? How many times can I pick myself up and start over again? I’ve done it so many times already I’ve lost count! I guess the good news is that I still do have some fight in me, even if I’m moving a little slower thru the sludge of depression.