45 days cigarette free being put to the test

It’s been a long road to get here but I’m here with 45 days with being smoke free behind me. This past week though I had my own personal tragedy–I had a miscarriage. What would have been a wonderful reward for my hard work of quitting ended in an ongoing sadness that makes me long for a cigarette. I don’t want to vape, I want someone to hand me a cigarette. Do I feel like I would pick it up as a habit again-no. But OMG please someone hand me a cigarette. I keep asking myself why? What is a cigarette going to do for me? Why do I feel like it’s going to make me feel better? In truth I know it’s not. Can I say right now that if someone stopped in that smokes that I wouldn’t ask for one–no. And that’s just the truth. If I were to smoke a cigarette does it mean I have failed? I don’t think so unless I start buying a pack of cigs, but I don’t know if that’s just me making an excuse or not.
I guess stay tuned for my next post to see what happened.
Thanks for Listening to Thea